Sunday night came and went with far too little trouble. No panic attack, no depressive bout. I'm sure the beer helped.
I spent the weekend buying new Office software, backing up my home desktop computer in order to reformat to Windows 7 in order to be able to use said software, and furiously putting together 3 presentations. I practiced one of them so many times on Sunday that my tongue gave out on me. And then I decided to take a break. With beer.
This morning, I am paying for the beer (2 bottles, btw) -- and probably the relaxation as well -- with unrelenting morning nausea and dizziness. How I made the bike ride to work is a mystery. How I will make it home later is an even greater mystery.
But in this physical unpleasantness, being thankful that all the undergrads are taking midterms this week and are not all up in my grill, I am making an honest effort to not be self-defeatist. A subtle metaphor to my weekend, it is somewhat like reformatting my default mode and replacing it with a new operating system.
My week is not doomed from the start, my anxiety is unfounded, and the academic world will not decide Wednesday afternoon that I am not fit for a PhD. The worst thing that can possibly happen is that I'll run 2 min over. Do not be self-defeatist, do not be self-defeatist, do not be self-defeatist.