I'm effing tired.
Everyone seems to think that I'm effing tired because I work 60-70 hrs a week. We've been through this, folks. I work 60-70 hrs a week because I'm obsessed, not because scienceownsmysoulomgfml. I gave my soul to Science freely.
I'm effing tired because it's effing hot outside and I bike every day. I'm effing tired because I have Crohn's disease. I'm effing tired because the most horrifying and consuming tragedy I have ever experienced has been looming over me for the last 6 months and threatens indefiniteness. And I'm effing tired because my entire lab seems to think that I don't contribute beyond my own projects (even though I do most of the lab-wide organization and cleaning up after people), and that I have no idea what I'm talking about (even though I have more experience with most techniques than anyone else and am actually quite good at what I do, despite the Jack Sparrow facade). Perhaps I need to be more outspoken about my menial daily achievements?..
So before you tell me that I look exhausted and need to take time off of work, please consider that my work is one of 2 things (the second being H.K.) that is keeping me from a serious mental and physical breakdown. Plz. Thx. Much love.
On a less snarky note, I got a SfN sponsored travel award to go to the conference in October. Yay!
Showing posts with label grants. Show all posts
Showing posts with label grants. Show all posts
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Latency in Stress-Induced Crohn's Attacks
Folks, grad school is on hiatus for the next few weeks, so there is about to be a lot of straight up Crohn's talk up in hur.
Like most Crohn's (and IBS) attacks, mine have perpetually been the post hoc ergo propter hoc artifacts of stress. As I have mentioned... somewhere... there is so much constitutively happening during grad school that what time one would ordinarily find to spend stressing out, one instead spends steeped in exhaustion-driven apathy. While this is generally good for me -- as it would be for anyone with a type A personality in an incredibly demanding job -- there are residual consequences.
For instance, as soon as I stopped working in my new lab and traveled to my most dear childhood home, I was interrupted by a fairly large-scale attack. Right in the middle of the restaurant. Then right in the middle of the theater. Then most of the rest of the evening when we arrived home accompanied by butylscopolamine, peppermint tea and a heating pad. It was the worst episode I've had since the summer (non-opiate-grade).
It appears that now that I'm not in the midst of academic turbulence, I am beginning to feel the after-effects of the stress that was suppressed during the term. There are some very serious defects in my program that were, naturally, not apparent until halfway through the term, and which cause a ridiculous amount of unnecessary stress in all of the students. I had a nightmare last night that a department committee kicked me out of the program (despite the NSF grant, the Badass Student grant that they themselves bestowed upon me, the now five first-author publications, and the fact that three PI's are currently vying for me). Yes, this is a real fear for most of the first-years in my department -- some of the brightest minds I have ever encountered. It's why the program is so prestigious -- failing is less than an A-, for which one is put on academic probation and potentially booted from the program. I never looked at the grades I got on finals because they are so arbitrary that they mean almost nothing and it was an unnecessary agony that I did not need hanging over my break.
These are the concerns that are suppressed during the ebb and flow of the active term, and which are now showing their might through latent Crohn's attacks so that I cannot fully relax during this brief and precious vacation. Despite really not thinking about school. I attribute the attack last night to having been asked "how school was going" and making the mistake of actually talking about it.
Like most Crohn's (and IBS) attacks, mine have perpetually been the post hoc ergo propter hoc artifacts of stress. As I have mentioned... somewhere... there is so much constitutively happening during grad school that what time one would ordinarily find to spend stressing out, one instead spends steeped in exhaustion-driven apathy. While this is generally good for me -- as it would be for anyone with a type A personality in an incredibly demanding job -- there are residual consequences.
For instance, as soon as I stopped working in my new lab and traveled to my most dear childhood home, I was interrupted by a fairly large-scale attack. Right in the middle of the restaurant. Then right in the middle of the theater. Then most of the rest of the evening when we arrived home accompanied by butylscopolamine, peppermint tea and a heating pad. It was the worst episode I've had since the summer (non-opiate-grade).
It appears that now that I'm not in the midst of academic turbulence, I am beginning to feel the after-effects of the stress that was suppressed during the term. There are some very serious defects in my program that were, naturally, not apparent until halfway through the term, and which cause a ridiculous amount of unnecessary stress in all of the students. I had a nightmare last night that a department committee kicked me out of the program (despite the NSF grant, the Badass Student grant that they themselves bestowed upon me, the now five first-author publications, and the fact that three PI's are currently vying for me). Yes, this is a real fear for most of the first-years in my department -- some of the brightest minds I have ever encountered. It's why the program is so prestigious -- failing is less than an A-, for which one is put on academic probation and potentially booted from the program. I never looked at the grades I got on finals because they are so arbitrary that they mean almost nothing and it was an unnecessary agony that I did not need hanging over my break.
These are the concerns that are suppressed during the ebb and flow of the active term, and which are now showing their might through latent Crohn's attacks so that I cannot fully relax during this brief and precious vacation. Despite really not thinking about school. I attribute the attack last night to having been asked "how school was going" and making the mistake of actually talking about it.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
fellowships and grants -- pre-graduate
You know that feeling you get when people give you money? Like, real money? The kind of money that supports three years of research (read: three years of stipend) and makes your resume look really pretty? Well, I do now. Two months ago I was awarded a Fellowship from the graduate program at which I will be starting in the fall...
This morning, along with monstrous cramps and nausea, I received an email from NSF congratulating me on receiving a prized NSF GRFP grant.
...say what?
Please understand: I wrote this grant before being admitted to a graduate program. I did NOT expect to receive it. I was hoping with all of my might that I would get onto the "honorable mention" list. I am totally blown away.
Though I was not yet in a graduate program during the application process, I was very fortunate to have my boss' input as well as guidance from a former NSF GRFP applicant and awardee. Below are the primary points which guided my application:
Research Proposal
1. Format:
3. Do NOT emphasize clinical translation; NSF is not interested in funding biomedical work. For example, if you are proposing to study a model of Parkinson's disease, write about "neurodegeneration" or "stimulating neuroplasticity".
4. Give brief, clear descriptions of things specific to your project very early on. Your reviewers will be familiar with your field (e.g, Neuroscience), but do not assume that they will be familiar with specifics (e.g., substantia nigra, tyrosine hydroxylase).
5. If you are an undergraduate, or an RA, write about a project that you would like to do. In my case, I proposed a project based out of my boss' lab on the off chance that I would stay here for graduate school. Because I ended up entering a program at a different institution (and have yet to even begin rotations), the project will change. The GRFP understands this and is more interested in funding the scientist than the project. As long as you submit your updates to them, and acknowledge NSF funding in abstracts and publications, you are set.
Research History
1. Don't try to be too creative. NSF is interested in anything you have ever done in scientific research, and how those things have brought science to the broader community.
2. That's... that's really about the gist of it. Find further suggestions at Philip Guo's blog.
Personal Statement
1. Two thirds of this essay was paraphrased from my graduate school statement of purpose. Communicate who you are as a budding scientist.
2. The final third of my essay talked about my leadership experiences and how they had impacted the greater community (e.g., climate change activism, national affiliations and how they have influenced my scientific collaborations thus far).
* Happy to email out pdfs of my essays to anyone interested in a sample.
This morning, along with monstrous cramps and nausea, I received an email from NSF congratulating me on receiving a prized NSF GRFP grant.
...say what?
Please understand: I wrote this grant before being admitted to a graduate program. I did NOT expect to receive it. I was hoping with all of my might that I would get onto the "honorable mention" list. I am totally blown away.
Though I was not yet in a graduate program during the application process, I was very fortunate to have my boss' input as well as guidance from a former NSF GRFP applicant and awardee. Below are the primary points which guided my application:
Research Proposal
1. Format:
Introduction2. Specific Aims #2-3 cannot depend on the outcome of Specific Aim #1
Two to three Specific Aims described with experimental approach
Brief conclusion describing implications
References
3. Do NOT emphasize clinical translation; NSF is not interested in funding biomedical work. For example, if you are proposing to study a model of Parkinson's disease, write about "neurodegeneration" or "stimulating neuroplasticity".
4. Give brief, clear descriptions of things specific to your project very early on. Your reviewers will be familiar with your field (e.g, Neuroscience), but do not assume that they will be familiar with specifics (e.g., substantia nigra, tyrosine hydroxylase).
5. If you are an undergraduate, or an RA, write about a project that you would like to do. In my case, I proposed a project based out of my boss' lab on the off chance that I would stay here for graduate school. Because I ended up entering a program at a different institution (and have yet to even begin rotations), the project will change. The GRFP understands this and is more interested in funding the scientist than the project. As long as you submit your updates to them, and acknowledge NSF funding in abstracts and publications, you are set.
Research History
1. Don't try to be too creative. NSF is interested in anything you have ever done in scientific research, and how those things have brought science to the broader community.
2. That's... that's really about the gist of it. Find further suggestions at Philip Guo's blog.
Personal Statement
1. Two thirds of this essay was paraphrased from my graduate school statement of purpose. Communicate who you are as a budding scientist.
2. The final third of my essay talked about my leadership experiences and how they had impacted the greater community (e.g., climate change activism, national affiliations and how they have influenced my scientific collaborations thus far).
* Happy to email out pdfs of my essays to anyone interested in a sample.
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