Friday, June 18, 2010

this is a wedding, not a birthday party

While attempting to negotiate a code problem in publishing my more appropriately themed post-in-press, here is some much more frivolous drivel.

I am familiarizing with the strain that weddings put on relationships.  Without going so low as to say, "you find out who your real friends are," it sure exudes disingenuity.  I've tried so hard to be understanding, but the lack of peoples' communication smacks of disrespect and, since these are my dearest friends, quite frankly, is beginning to sting.

1) Friend 1 confirms attendance at my wedding, at which I am shocked but thrilled.  I proceed to find discounted hotel rates and see if Friend 1 can fly in with JLD, who is coming from the same location, and get flight rates.  One month later, Friend 1 emails so say she just can't swing it financially.  At this point I have found a hugely discounted flight scenario and free room and board for the entire week.  I sent this information to Friend 1 a month ago and never received any sort of response.  What I really would have preferred to hear was that Friend 1 was already attending so many cross country weddings this summer that she could not afford another.  I would have appreciated that, and found it more pleasant than finding out along the line via Facebookery, and after doing so much work on Friend 1's behalf.

2) Friend 2 immediately declared non-attendance because of financial binds, without even a second thought, which was actually fine.  A few weeks later, Friend 2 announces their own engagement and wedding to take place less than a month following mine.  Friend 2's wedding is already costing far more money than my entire shindig.  Again, free stay for the week and ticket discounts hunted for by yours truly were not even considered.  This is a lifelong friend -- we're talking about birth onward -- whose wedding I will be attending a month after my own.

3) Friend 3, who is also getting married in the near future, consequently (fun fact: Friends 2 and 3 and I were all declared spinsters not too long ago), just retracted their affirmative RSVP due to a sudden obligation to a new job.  This one, I have a lot of trouble begrudging.  But at this point I have had so many loved ones flake or balk or fail to communicate entirely that I'm a little burnt out upon hearing this three weeks in advance, and somewhat less enthused about attending Friend 3's bridal shower in a week and her own wedding after mine.

4) Friend 4, another very important and long-standing friend but also a long-time flake, never responded to the original invitation.

Anyone else?  Three weeks, folks.  There is still time to back out.

By the way, none of these people read this blog.  No worries.  It took a long time for me to develop a degree of hurt from these less-than-admirably executed bail outs, but I'm tired, I'm frustrated and I just want to be in California... I was also awake until 2am stressing about bridal shower gifts for Friends 2 and 3 after an 11 hr work day -- something which, since I am not having a bridal shower, they will not be doing for me.  To clarify, I'm less offended by the bail outs themselves and more so by the sneakery and lack of sincerety with which said bail outs are being conducted.  Makes a lady feel loved.

H.K. says that knowing my friends, this is not shocking and to not let it get to me so much on that basis.  Several of his friends, if required to travel, would likely have backed down as well.  On one hand, he has a good point.  On the other, this is a wedding, not a birthday party. 


  1. ugh. i'm sorry about it all, dude. i SO wish i could be there, too. :(

  2. I agree bailing, particularly 3 weeks out, is very tacky and rude. And a headache that you shouldn't have to deal with. Miss Manners wouldn't be proud.

    Try not to let it bother you (yes, easier said than done). I wasn't stressed at all regarding our little wedding until the day before: they were calling for 98 degrees and high humidity. And guess what? It was 98 degrees with horrible humidity. All my wedding photos show me glistening (in the bad way) with drenched hair. But it just made the day more memorable.

    Congrats again.

  3. Liz -- you are a very special case and oh-so-very exempt from the above grumblings.

    Kathryn -- since i've been freaking out on and off for the last three months, i am comforted by the thought that the worst seems to be over, and i will be too happy and burnt out between now and the wedding that nothing more will bother me. i also took care of F2 and F3's shower/wedding gifts which are killer awesome, so that stress is now gone as well.