Wednesday, March 17, 2010

A Crohn's Affair

me: hey, could you email me something...?
H.B.: you want an email that says, 'something'?
me: there is a document on my desktop
H.B.: k, sent
me: you are my prince
H.B.: lame, i want to be a knight

Announcing the promotion of H.B. to H.F., via engagement to yours truly.  However, as requested, instead of henceforth being referred to as "Heroic Fiance", "Heroic Knight" will be applied; to be replaced by "Heroic Husband" in July.

Yes, we are expiditing.  No, I am not pregnant.

Crohn's-Relevant Considerations that I thought were amusing:

1)  Location:  We chose to have the ceremony on HK's family's gorgeous property in San Rafael (ahem... next door to Lucas Ranch...).  This decision was made primarily based on sentiment (gross) and comfort.  However, it was also chosen because I am anticipating a day of moderate to high restroom visit frequency, and would like to be able to slip away nearly-unnoticed, which may actually be possible there.  Other thoughts: how funny would it be if I were stuck in the restroom for 30 minutes and everyone began to assume I had fled?...

2)  Cake:  Hi.  No dairy, please.  Seeing as wedding cakes in particular are purebreds of butter cream and sugar (leavened solely by magic), my options here are quite limited.  Options:  a) indulge, b) scrape off my icing in front of EVERYONE watching, c) pay $475K for a dairy-free cake and risk 40 refusals to eat more than a forkfull of the thing.

3)  Food:  To appease all, the menu will have to include normal, vegetarian, vegan, cooked, raw, oily, and oil-free options.  Whoever I convince to prepare these dishes for me is going to hate me.

4) Wine:  Make sure I get all the moping and crying over not being able to over-indulge in life's-greatest-gift-to-man out ahead of time so my Moon Face is not exacerbated by swollen glands.

5) Drugs:  Make sure that I spend the days before the ceremony eating mildly so that I do not have to toke up on painkillers and nausea medication and fall asleep during the big moment.

6) Hair:  What in the world to do with my hair (which I would have otherwise worn down) to hide the fact that I only have half of it left on my head.

7) Those who have done this before me:  Am I missing anything?


  1. try a really cute updo or extensions that clip in. Congrats!!!! That is so cool! I think you're needing the something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue....... upside on prednisone at least you will have an appetite!